Ishma, ladki..Focus!!!

I have been wanting to write a ‘happy-blog’, for quite sometime now. I was determined to turn my plan into an action today. However, some days just turn out to be f*^*&  ups, no matter how hard I try. Nothing seems right (re: normal.)  All the universal elements seem to be conspiring towards making survival difficult for me. Today is one such day.

The biggest issue is that the most important person in my life-Mommy darling, isn’t keeping well. She has hurt her knee badly and is supposed to be on bed rest according to the doctors’ instructions, to which I am hoping she will adhere. My poor baccha is in a lot of pain…

From the moment I left home for work, until I returned home in the evening, my mind today, was a hub of negative thought chains. I did try to use my time as constructively as possible, so as to be productive, but these thoughts slowly insinuated my system. I did attempt to curb them, but they kept coming back-discouraging thoughts, insecure thoughts, fearful thoughts, thoughts of losing the ones I love the most, to whatsoever circumstance…

Later, I came back home with work to do, only to find that I can’t open excel sheets in my computer which requires several new installations. Perfect way to end the day.

I don’t know what’s wrong with my mind. I seem to have lost it. I have been acting really weird of late. I have zero control over my damn brain, rather my brain has zero control over the rest of my system. A month ago, I used my scheduler every single day, diligently. Striking off entries from my daily ‘to-do’ list gave my such solace at the end of each day. I must have used the scheduler once in the last 10 days! Well, well, well. There is a problem here. What do we do? I think I need to resume pranayama to gain some self control and to do myself some good! I think I also need a huge shout out and a rigorous shake to bring me back to reality.

I am just wondering….Is it OK to fear losing the ones we love the most?

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7 comments

  1. Shivani · February 22, 2011

    * sighs *

    Hope your mom gets well soon… and I wish you come out of this blob of emotions to… :-S

    • Ishma Siddiqi · February 24, 2011

      hmm… Thanks Shi-(la ki Ja-)vani 😉

  2. Gokul · February 22, 2011

    get well soon aunt 🙂 ……..and i think you need to relax ….take a longgggggg hol trip 🙂

    • ishmasiddiqi · March 14, 2011

      Thank u Gokul 🙂 I need a loooooooong trip indeed… I think it’s time to consider sanyaas in the himalayas.. 😛

  3. ishmasiddiqi · March 2, 2011

    Thank u sweetie.. Muah :-*

  4. sumanyav · March 3, 2011

    Aww, poor baby! cheer up, li’l one! and yeah its ok to fear. thats our minds mechanism to be prepared for any eventuality. So dont worry….life has the habit of going in circles, like wheels turning…..if you are down, theres always the possibility of the up.

    • ishmasiddiqi · March 14, 2011

      Rightly said Su.. Ups and downs are inevitable in life. However, with friends like u around, things just get easier.. 🙂

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